an old favourite

習慣被拒絕的人會先拒絕　這一次至少是我先說離別
有一些痛楚看不見淚水　有一種防衛叫做我無所謂
要讓你快樂原是我的心願　可是你從不在意我的傷悲
丟給我一些喜悅的碎屑　卻帶走我一切

你不愛我　是我捨不得　是我不配　為你再狼狽
你不愛我　你真的不愛我　盡力而為我拼命給也是浪費
你不愛我　是我捨不得　是我不配　和命運作對
你不愛我　你真的不愛我　一直以為我是後衛　原來只是那後備

康康 - 你不愛我

wwtw

I have the weirdest cousin(s). After a long period of incontact, we kind of talked online these days. Today, he came online, wished me good luck for tmr's paper, told me not to stay up too late studying for it; and then he disappeared - went offline. I'm like, right, you dint even give me a chance to reply you!

I sent him an offline msg. And I think that my cousin is astonishingy funny in the weird way and also lovely to remember that I actually have a paper tmr. I dont even rmb telling him!

je ne sais quoi

You don't sound like you.

whatever will be will be

Today's the birthday of a friend, happy 21. Being 21 but not yet reaching 21, I'm still enjoying the benefits that of a child. For example, the Thai trip that is going to take place in 3 weeks (excited!) require us to buy travel insurance, which is more than 50% cheaper if you are a child, below 21 years of age, as of 1st May 09. As an young adult, I feel myself having to grapple with the notions and the constant questions of what am I going to do after graduation, doing honours or no honours and that sort of questions. To which, I often have no answers. Even doing honours itself is a huge question mark, as my borderline grades do allow myself to qualify for the application if I'm consistent and willing, but does not provide a safety net for a lesser grade. Honours, is something that I dont see myself doing, but seems required and a good way to get away from the horrible economic situation.

You see, I'm confused as to what is expected of me. To start with, I have a weird mother who did not want me to go to university and prefer me to settle for less in a polytechnic. I told you she's weird. But she had been very supportive and allowed me to pursue what I wanted academically even though she had to work very hard for me and for it. In uni, I'm pursuing my passion in a major that people often see no future in, and I'm too unsure as to where my passion can take me. Especially so if I want to graduate with a bachelor's degree. I have visions of what I see myself doing, which I know is not very possible. But I'm daring myself to dream and to attain the impossible.

But back-up plans are a must. Relatives and whoever always tell me that I could be a teacher. No not me. There are too many reasons why I did not want to pursue this childhood ambition of mine, voicebox failing being one of them, but yeps. And as much as I say that 'back-up plans are a must', I refuse to deal with it, and thus no research whatsoever on the jobs that I can go into.

I must say that I'm pretty much a happy-go-lucky person. I take things as they come. I focus on the short term stuff rather than the long term ones. I never went to look for things that are needed to 'zhng' my resume, but only do what is required of me. In a sense, I sometimes feel that I can't be bothered with the practicalities of life.

reading what I've written above, I realised that I do not have a solution to the above problem and I do not want to look for a solution. Looking for the solution is too adult, and I do not want to be associated as such. You know, trying to grapple the notions of adulthood and its responsibilities, is scary.

On a sidenote, one exam down and three more to go. This sem is a killer.

fly fly fly

I'm a little upset with myself cus i have not been very productive in terms of studying.

But that email cheered me up. Yay I'm flying SQ when I'm coming back from Thailand! And I thought it was going to be budget airline. So I'm happy!

Damn it. I'm so easily contented/ happy/ whatever.

LAS

My neighbourhood is a very happening place.

You have sepak takraw gang at this particular badminton court every evening. The badminton court hence gained fame and everyone decided to come and play sepak takraw there. Once, there were so many of them from this xyz company that there was at least 7 vans parked along the stretch of road that was next to the court. I was like, wow!

Then you have the bartender, practising his tricks with plastic or foam bottles at the playground downstairs. Throwing, spinning, twisting then catching. He can do whatever. Of cus, he's bound to draw audiences. I once saw this uncle who was supp to be walking his dog, stopping to watch the bartender do his tricks. And the uncle was very blatant about it. He stood like merely two metres away from the bartender and watched him intently.

Then you know, the roller-blading gang. They have lesser meet-ups now, probably cus school have started and stuff. I bet they'll be back when the holidays kicked in.

Not forgetting Romeo, who calls out to Cheryl every evening without fail. He does it so often that Cheryl gets irritated and yet pleased by the attention that he was showering upon her. Sometimes, Cheryl doesnt reply to his calls, and I cant help but be cheeky by shouting "cheryl not home" or smth to him. Btw, Romeo's not his real name. It's a nickname that my brother and I gave him. hee.

Today, a celebration is being held at the 'atrium'. Now now, Malay weddings and Chinese festivals are common. But have you ever seen an Indian festival being held at a void deck before? I'm in awe I tell you. This is my first time witnessing such an event. Pity I dont understand what's going on but they are playing some really festive music which is quite good. There's like pockets of pple gathering ard the atrium trying to figure out what they are doing and stuff. But I got a feeling that half of them sre clueless as to what is happening as well. But this, is racial harmony at its best.

See, there's always something interesting happening. The pigeons and the cats irritate me a lot though, but even they could be interesting - think sleuthing cat trying to pounce on unsuspecting pigeons. Why pigeons I dont knw, cus they are huge. Sparrows could have been better, but guess they are too jittery and too agile.

I like this